Recently I have felt as if under attack by forces unseen. While not visible to my eyes, my heart feels burdened under the weight of the recent barrage of misery and woe. The good news is that the wave of attacks meant to weaken faith and tear apart relationships has not been successful. And more good news: it hasn't been directed at me.
I have friends and family near and dear to my heart who are dealing with tremendous suffering. Without getting into specifics, I have friends who are working through the loss of loved ones, friends who are battling addictions, and marriages that are hanging on by a thread. There is loss of property, loss of integrity, and loss of dignity. Like a wave propelled onto land, life seems to be crashing in one way or another all around me, and I am helpless to stop it or even slow it down. It becomes discouraging to see the lengthy prayer list I keep in my journal these days, each page so full of desperate pleas to end the suffering that those closest to me seem to endure day after day.
While I am grateful that these issues are not my own, and my life, for the most part, seems to be steady and comfortable - and I do praise God for a season of peace - I am also burdened by something deep within my heart. My sympathetic heart seems to ache for those who are enduring a season of pain as if it were happening to me.
Some months ago, I felt myself becoming a little bit callous to the world around me. If it happened directly to me, I would feel moved to call on God, and then see His hand at work. And then another season of peace would come and I would forget that God is at work all around me... that is, until I myself endured pain and suffering again. I felt a little empty and a little cold. I wanted to change. I was tired of being so selfish. I prayed that God would let me see the world through his eyes. I wanted to see each person, each creation, through the lens of love and compassion, the way the Creator would. I wanted to look at the world and see each individual as a beautiful expression of God's handiwork, not the sum of all our failures.
God blessed me, almost instantly, with a new set of eyes. I stopped seeing people with labels, like "failure" or "liar". I started seeing the person, not the sin. My heart was softer, my eyes were clearer, and my compassion was overwhelming. Looking through God's eyes, I began to see people for who they were inside, not where they were in their circumstances.
At first, this was such an incredible gift. I felt renewed, and I felt closer to God than ever before. But after a while, I began to see why I could never, ever want to have God's job: there is a lot of hurt in this world, and it's quite overwhelming to think of how many people need your love and support during difficult times.
Compassion is an incredible thing. In fact, that's the first way we hear of God describing himself. He is compassionate. In Exodus, He tells us, "When they cry out to me, I will hear, for I am compassionate." (22:27) And Jesus modeled this characteristic of his Father when he stood with the sisters of Lazarus and wept with them during their mourning. God's heart breaks, like any loving father's heart would, when he sees us suffering. I didn't exactly know what I was getting into when I asked God to give me the kind of compassion He possesses.
Difficult as it is, I do feel like God only gives us these "gifts" because we need to utilize them. There is a reason He has placed me so close to these people who are hurting. I haven't quite figured out exactly His purpose for this is yet, but I know that there are people I love who need my shoulders to cry on, my arms to hold them, and my prayers to sustain them. God is abounding in love, and He is so compassionate. It isn't easy to think of how many hearts are breaking right now, but God didn't call me to solve their problems. He asked me to be the physical arms that hold them while He holds their hearts. I can do that. Someone did it for me once, too.
I guess it's a heavy gift. But He wouldn't ask me to carry it if He didn't think I could.
I have friends and family near and dear to my heart who are dealing with tremendous suffering. Without getting into specifics, I have friends who are working through the loss of loved ones, friends who are battling addictions, and marriages that are hanging on by a thread. There is loss of property, loss of integrity, and loss of dignity. Like a wave propelled onto land, life seems to be crashing in one way or another all around me, and I am helpless to stop it or even slow it down. It becomes discouraging to see the lengthy prayer list I keep in my journal these days, each page so full of desperate pleas to end the suffering that those closest to me seem to endure day after day.
While I am grateful that these issues are not my own, and my life, for the most part, seems to be steady and comfortable - and I do praise God for a season of peace - I am also burdened by something deep within my heart. My sympathetic heart seems to ache for those who are enduring a season of pain as if it were happening to me.
Some months ago, I felt myself becoming a little bit callous to the world around me. If it happened directly to me, I would feel moved to call on God, and then see His hand at work. And then another season of peace would come and I would forget that God is at work all around me... that is, until I myself endured pain and suffering again. I felt a little empty and a little cold. I wanted to change. I was tired of being so selfish. I prayed that God would let me see the world through his eyes. I wanted to see each person, each creation, through the lens of love and compassion, the way the Creator would. I wanted to look at the world and see each individual as a beautiful expression of God's handiwork, not the sum of all our failures.
God blessed me, almost instantly, with a new set of eyes. I stopped seeing people with labels, like "failure" or "liar". I started seeing the person, not the sin. My heart was softer, my eyes were clearer, and my compassion was overwhelming. Looking through God's eyes, I began to see people for who they were inside, not where they were in their circumstances.
At first, this was such an incredible gift. I felt renewed, and I felt closer to God than ever before. But after a while, I began to see why I could never, ever want to have God's job: there is a lot of hurt in this world, and it's quite overwhelming to think of how many people need your love and support during difficult times.
Compassion is an incredible thing. In fact, that's the first way we hear of God describing himself. He is compassionate. In Exodus, He tells us, "When they cry out to me, I will hear, for I am compassionate." (22:27) And Jesus modeled this characteristic of his Father when he stood with the sisters of Lazarus and wept with them during their mourning. God's heart breaks, like any loving father's heart would, when he sees us suffering. I didn't exactly know what I was getting into when I asked God to give me the kind of compassion He possesses.
Difficult as it is, I do feel like God only gives us these "gifts" because we need to utilize them. There is a reason He has placed me so close to these people who are hurting. I haven't quite figured out exactly His purpose for this is yet, but I know that there are people I love who need my shoulders to cry on, my arms to hold them, and my prayers to sustain them. God is abounding in love, and He is so compassionate. It isn't easy to think of how many hearts are breaking right now, but God didn't call me to solve their problems. He asked me to be the physical arms that hold them while He holds their hearts. I can do that. Someone did it for me once, too.
I guess it's a heavy gift. But He wouldn't ask me to carry it if He didn't think I could.
Very well said Dana. It IS a gift and a very special one. Just know that it may seem like you cannot do anything or help in any significant way (in your own eyes), but just your presence and warm loving heart mean the world to those around you. You may not realize it, but you have touched me so many times - even recently. I admire your love for your family and those who surround you and the unbelievable strength and caring you show.
ReplyDeleteI know it gets really hard to do sometimes and I will pray for your strength and sanity! :)
Virtual Hugs!
Melissa
P.S.
I will also pray for those you have mentioned. May they be able to hear God's will and overcome!