Have you ever noticed how many songs are about the relationship between a father and his children? It seems more and more that these songs reflect a negative feeling and a broken relationship. Often the songs seem to tell of an absent father, or a physically present father with a detachhment from the family unit. Few are the songs about a father who is admired by his children, unless you are a big fan of country music. My point is that it seems that, with each passing generation, the role of the father has been diminished and diluted to seem almost "optional".
It is increasingly more common to see the single-parent family nowadays. In 2009, the U.S. Census Bureau recorded 13.7 million single-parent households. 84% of those families were headed by women, meaning the father was either not present, or only had custody part-time. There are billions of reasons why the children were living with the mother only - divorce, death, or never having a father present from the beginning. 26% of the children living in the United States today come from these single-parent households. For these children, my heart aches. Statistics indicate that a child living the majority of his childhood in a single-parent home will become one himself. He will likely be poor, and will likely never attend college.
My parents divorced when I was 17. It was difficult for my brother and I. But we were very fortunate that our parents remained friends, and remained active in our lives, despite living on opposite ends of the continent. When my parents both remarried, I was blessed with two amazing step-parents. While over a quarter of the kids in the U.S. will live without having even one father present in their lives, I was blessed with TWO. My step-dad took me into his family as if I were his own daughter. Even after my mother's passing, he remains "grandpa" to my kids, and a very special daddy and friend to me. I was very fortunate to have him in my life, but I was certainly the exception rather than the rule.
Dads, if you ever doubt your importance, consider this: your daughter decides in her infancy what a "man" looks like based on her father. If you are abusive, she will seek abuse in her adult relationships. If you are uncaring and cold, she will almost certainly date men who are uninterested in her heart. If you reject her, she will seek to be rejected by other men. But, if you love her, respect her, nurture her, and most importantly, model a healthy relationship with her mother, she will not settle for anything less than that in her own life. It is her father from whom she learns how to relate to every other man on earth. If you, as a father, are not present to speak into her life, who will do it? She will seek to fill that void somehow, with someone, in some way.
And fathers, what about those sons? They learn how to be a man from you. If a son has a father who is abusive, is manipulative, or unkind, he will turn into that man himself. If his father is irresponsible and aloof, so will he be. But if his father is loving, and displays appropriate affection for his children and their mother, that son will model that behavior in his own life. He will strive to be the kind of dad he had - whether that is positive or negative, and whether he realizes that he is doing so or not.
I don't mean to shout atop my soapbox, but if you don't believe that you can be fully present, and completely committed to a child, please, don't have one. There are dads-in-the-waiting who will gladly adopt your child to give that baby the example of manhood that they desperately need. Or, take the necessary measures to avoid conception. But just understand that babies grow into children. And children are so much more aware than we give them credit for. They absorb their environment like sponges, taking in all that they see, hear, and experience, for future reference. Simply put: any man with operating sex organs can father a baby, but it takes a real man with a loving heart to be a daddy. Kids need daddies to speak love, truth, and peace into their lives. The world is a cruel enough place... shouldn't their home be a place of peace and love, where healthy relationships are fostered?
The good news is that everyone has a Father who can provide them with all the love, guidance, support, and healing they can ever need. He has never left or abandoned any of His children. In fact, He continuously adopts new ones into His family. His love cannot be earned, but is readily given. His favor isn't won, but He showers His children with blessings. He sets the standards high for those He loves, but has a hand ready to catch them when they can't quite get there. He's never missed a swim meet, dance competition, or awards ceremony - front row every time. He's never criticized you for your failures. He comes when you call Him, and His love never fails. He sings over you while you sleep, and kisses your cheek every dawn. He's the absolute perfect image of what it is to be a daddy. He has always loved you, even before you were formed in your mother's womb. He's crazy about you. Always has been, always will be. And He loves it when you call him "daddy".
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