Equal but Different...

There is a new Olympic sport introduced this year: women's ski jumping.  We've watched men race down the slope and take flight into the crisp winter air for decades.  This year it's our turn, ladies.  Indeed it is a proud time for the female species.  But amidst our great strides and advances, we have lost sight of the beautiful differences between men and women.  We were created to be equal, but different.

I have a teenage son.  He's preparing himself for the wonderful world of teenage dating.  It's a complicated, ugly place.  Yes, it's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.  And so, like millions of other boys shaking in their boots, he will go out into the world of teenage girls and find one suitable for a date.  And then he will go and find a social setting that they will both feel comfortable in and find an agreeable activity and try to get to know each other better, and eventually decide if another date is in order.  It seems like a simple enough task.  But we all know that dating is something like walking blindfolded into a mine field.  Danger is at every turn... if you don't know what you're doing.

My husband and I had not just "the talk" but several "talks" with our son about dating.  We want him to be informed, certainly.  But we also want him to be aware of the fact that he is entering into what is, for him, uncharted territory.  Girls are no longer the same as they were in years past - equal in every way.  No, now they are creatures unknown to boys his age.  They are growing more and more complex with each passing season.  The rules that once governed the playground no longer apply to girls.  Now they are precious pieces of artwork to be cherished in every way.  Equal, yes.  But the same... no.

I liken women to tableware.  Everyone knows the difference between your everyday plates and fine china.  You see, both are capable of holding food at the dinner table.  Both can be broken.  And both keep us from a lap full of spaghetti.  But there are differences.  Perhaps the fine china was picked out for your wedding.  It was carefully selected.  It matches perfectly.  It's packed up neatly, hand-washed, and returned to a special place where it won't get chipped or broken.  It's special.  Your everyday dishes are used, well... every day.  They go in the dishwasher, bang against one another in the cabinet, and tend to get broken now and then.  They may be colored to match your kitchen, but chances are you do not give them the same level of care as you do the fine china.  

Women are like fine china.  You should care for them.  You should show them an extra level of respect.  They need to handled differently.  You bring out the fine china for a special occasion because it's special.  It doesn't get banged around, mistreated, or beat up.  It's not easily replaceable.  It has value to you.  Our china was handed down to me by my mother.  I don't know if it was expensive or not, but I certainly do know that she treasured it.  It's white with a gold trim.   Simple, elegant, and beautiful.  She had each piece wrapped and packed away to protect it.  We only used it on Thanksgiving and Christmas.  It was displayed in a cabinet in our formal dining room.  She loved it.  And when I got married and received it from her, I understood the value of that gift.  She gave me something that she treasured, in the hopes that I would also treasure it.  We've moved several times over the years, but that china has remained intact.  It's special to me, and I treat it that way.  I value it because it means something to me.  It's delicate, it's beautiful, and it's treasured.

I can hear the collective eye-roll now.  Please don't misunderstand me.  In no way am I putting women above men.  I'm a strong woman and I can hold my own, too.  Before I was married I had my own apartment where the burden of those everyday kinds of things fell solely on me.  I've had to repair a toilet, change a tire, and climb a ladder.  I've moved furniture on my own. I'm a good shot with a .45 pistol.  And I have unclogged my fair share of garbage disposals.  But I love the fact that I don't have to do those things because my husband treats me like fine china.  He opens doors for me, brings the car to me in a rain storm, and pumps my gas.  He knows that I am perfectly capable of these things on my own, but he also knows that fine china isn't subjected to the kinds of everyday wear and tear that our regular dinner plates are.

So we talk with our son.  I hope he gets it.  Girls his age are strong, too.  They are athletic, smart, and capable of all the same things he is.  They can open their own doors, and pay for their own meals... but that doesn't mean they have to.  They should be treated like the precious jewels that God made them to be.  I hope I never hear of him speaking harshly or unkindly to a girl.  I hope he opens every door, pulls out every chair, and pays for every meal.  I hope he is respectful to her parents, and is worthy of the trust they place in him.  I hope I never hear him curse in front of girls.  I hope he never pressures them.  I hope he treats them like fine china and makes them feel special and beautiful and treasured.

I think that over the past 15 years, my husband has been an example of that to our sons.  I haven't had to pump my own gas in quite a while.  I never have to carry anything heavy or bulky.  Walk to the car in the rain?  Nope.  Kill a bug?  Not if he's around.  Climb in the attic?  Not happening.  And it's not because these things are beyond my ability.  It's because these things are not fit for fine china.

I thank my mother-in-law for teaching her son the difference between china and everyday dinner plates.  She should be proud.  She put into motion a movement for new generations to know how to treat women. 

Next talk: the difference between fine china, everyday dinner plates, and disposable styrofoam trays...