A calendar year has passed since my last post. I realized today that my last post was January of 2013. Do you know how much has changed in my life in the last 365 days?!? A few important things come to mind... I got a new job, I lost 25 lbs., I went to Guatemala, I had surgery, I buried a grandparent, I had some dental work done, I bought a car, I went to Mexico, and I covered up a few more gray hairs. There's so much more to talk about, but I don't think I have the energy to relive an entire year full of events - some mundane, and some super exciting. But today, the 5th anniversary of my mother's passing, makes me think about how many of those life events I would have shared with my mom... except that she isn't alive to hear it.
I guess the sweetest part of the relationship I had with my mom is that we were excellent at communicating with one another. She was never afraid to say what she thought, and I felt like sharing a great deal of my life with her. We talked at least once a week over the phone. And we visited each other frequently, even though we didn't always live in the same state. She was a wonderful grandmother to my children, and a great mother-in-law for my husband. She was supportive, non-judgmental, and would listen to me tell her about some of the most ridiculously boring aspects of my life - from how many diapers I had changed that day, to what I intended to serve for dinner that night. She would listen, patiently, knowing that I was desperate for someone to tell these mundane details to.
I miss that the most. I miss being able to pick up the phone and tell her things like her oldest grandson is now a freshman in high school. Or that her granddaughter makes jewelry with her Rainbow Loom at an insane pace. Or that her grandson is an honor roll student. I miss being able to tell her about the new job I got, the new car I bought, or the vacation I'm going to take. I miss being able to tell her about how I feel, what I think, and what I'm doing. I miss hearing about the new project she's taking on, the new recipe she just discovered, or the new website she's shopping on. I miss Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Mother's Day. I miss having her to rely on. I just miss her.
I look back on 2013, and I think, Mom would be so interested to know that. But I'll never know. And that's painful...
