My husband is an excellent gifter. Me, on the other hand, not so much. It's not that I can't think of great gift ideas. It's just that my husband is difficult to shop for. If he wants something, he usually just buys it for himself. And the stuff he wants that he doesn't buy is out of my price range, or too technical for a non-geek like myself. But it stinks to come together on Valentine's Day and not give anything to my sweetie. What to do? This year, I gave it a lot of thought. And here's what I came up with:
Speak his language.
I believe very much in Dr. Chapman's Five Love Languages. If you haven't read his book, I highly encourage you to do so. It's definitely an eye-opener. When I discovered which language my husband was speaking, it literally changed my marriage. And it made my gifting plan come together in a completely simple, yet (hopefully) effective way.
Dr. Chapman tells us that there are five love languages - ways in which we "hear" and "speak" love to others, and usually you speak the language that you want to hear. I'm a "Quality Time" person, meaning I feel loved when my sweet husband spends time with me. He is an "Acts of Service" person - he feels loved when I volunteer to do things for him that he might otherwise have to do himself. There's also a "Words of Encouragement" person. This person needs to hear uplifting words and praise to feel loved (this may be my secondary language). "Personal Touch" people enjoy hugs, kisses, and closeness to feel love. And finally, "Gifts" people like to receive tangible gifts to feel loved.
This, of course, is highly simplified. Again, I encourage you to read this book. Especially as a couple - you will learn a lot about yourself, your spouse, and your relationship. But when I began to think in these terms, I kind of gathered up a few ideas for the other Valentines in my life who might appreciate hearing "I Love You" in their language. I hope this helps!
Quality time. Being a person who speaks this language, it's easiest for me to discuss this topic. A "QT" person needs a gift that speaks this language loudest. One of the sweetest "gifts" I ever got from my sweetie is when he rented a video and we spent the afternoon on the couch. I know that seems so simple, and even cheap, but it really was the best. Why? Because we were doing something together. Quality time. Not just two people in the same room, but two people engaged in something together. The key word for a quality time person is together. If you have a quality time person on your list, think about an activity that you can both do - without distraction. It'll mean the most.
Personal touch. This might very well be most men. They seem to have the highest drive for being touched - intimately - and often. But don't limit this category to sex because there is a lot more to personal touch than sex. A personal touch person likes you to sit close, hold hands, and be hugged. Your proximity means a lot. It's hard to give a gift to a personal touch person, but with a little creativity you can make it happen. Consider a massage or something that involves your bodies close together. Again, don't limit this to sexual touching.
Words of encouragement. This person is all about the old-fashioned Valentine. They like to see your handwriting telling them how much they mean to you. They also like for you to actually speak it. This person feels most loved when you speak considerately - "thank you" and "please" go a long way with this person. This being my secondary love language, I find it to be so invigorating when my husband tells me he likes my cooking, he appreciates the way I handled something, or he likes the way I look. It's the verbalization of his feelings that means a lot. And having it written down is always a good idea for a words of encouragement person, because they will be able to look back on it and remember how you felt.
Gifts. This category has always been difficult to me because neither my husband nor myself are gifts people. We both appreciate them, but they don't necessarily speak love to us in the way that someone who is a gifts person would hear. A gifts person appreciates tangible objects to display love. Obviously, a gifts person would be your best bet for jewelry and flowers. But don't think that if you have a gifts person in your life that you can just throw a gift at them and be done with it. Gifts people are usually a little bit picky. They want a gift that shows you know their style, their taste, and their personality. My mother was a gift person. But she was not a fan of diamonds. It was unwise for my dad to think that buying her a diamond was the best Valentine ever. She loved aquamarines. If you are giving a gift, think about the person you are buying for. If she hates chocolate, a box of candies might not work. If she loves silver, buying a gold pendant might not be the best thing. And if she's allergic to flowers, a bouquet might not be your best bet.
Acts of service. This is my husband. He feels most loved when he sees things done for him with a cheerful heart. For example, if I volunteer to take my middle son to Boy Scouts so he can watch the football game, he knows that I love him. If I volunteer to go to the grocery store and get him his favorite snack, he feels loved. But it's hard to serve a person a Valentine. I gave it a lot of thought - several days in fact. Finally I got it - a coupon book. Yes, that is a bit cheesy. But I thought of things that he would appreciate having done for him and gave him a coupon for it. He will probably never cash it in, but I know what was in that book, and I can serve him throughout the year by doing things that I promised to do in the coupon book. He will feel loved not just on Valentine's Day, but all year long as I serve him and speak the language of love that his ears are tuned to.
Valentine's Day is kind of goofy. But it can be so much fun, too, when you can go out of your way to speak love into your Valentine's heart in a way that he or she will hear and understand... and reciprocate.
For more information on Dr. Chapman's Five Love Languages, click here.
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