10 January 2009 - at approximately 20:20, my mom passed away. She had been in hospice care for only a couple of hours before she died. It was the worst couple of hours I have ever spent. Her breathing was labored - about 6 respirations per minute - and her mouth foamed as she essentially drowned in her own secretions. She was given morphine to make her "comfortable" as her body expired. I held her hand for the last 45 minutes of her life. I squeezed every few minutes, and only once received a squeeze back in return. This happened seconds before she breathed her last, as if to give me permission to let her go. I prayed over her body as she struggled to breathe and asked God to please grant us mercy and take her quickly, painlessly, and with dignity. She gasped for breath, hungry for air, and could find none. Silently, her heart refused to beat and her body released her spirit.
At the same moment that I lay weaping, her Father in heaven was rejoicing. It was difficult for me to imagine, in my grief, that anyone anywhere could be celebrating. It was then that I realized that I am fully human, and God is fully God. I possess a human quality that is, in my opinion, one of the most hurtful and expensive qualities given to man after the fall: loss. It was the loss of innocence that made Adam and Eve realize their mortality, and it is loss that reminds us that one day we, too, will succomb to the reality of death. It hurts. As humans, it stings. But the Bible reminds us that it is temporary, and it is only on Earth that we experience this. In 1 Corinthians 15:55, it says, "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" The grave has no power over is because we believe in the victory of Jesus Christ. We lay our bodies in the ground, but our spirit - the core of who we are made to be and the "fingerprint" of our Creator - is returned to our Heavenly Father to be made complete and whole for eternity. Life as we know it is brief in comparison to the eternity we spend in the company of absolute perfection. Why should all of heaven NOT be celebrating when one of its own is returned??
Briefly, I cracked a smile at this thought. I was sad - sad for me, the one left behind. But for her, it was a homecoming like she had never imagined! Mom's life had been one of pain and trouble. I never knew all the details, but I did know that she had experienced a broken heart early in life and it plagued her into adulthood. At the thought of being completely freed from this pain, I couldn't help but rejoice a little bit in my own heart. "I will ransom them from the power of the grave; I will redeem them from death." (Hosea 13:14) She will no longer bound to the power of this earth or this life, but be free in hope and love with her Creator.
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:31)
While my heart still aches for the loss of my mother, I take comfort in knowing that her pain is gone. I take comfort in knowing that she is waiting for me to join the party. I take comfort in knowing that my Heavenly Father has prepared a room in His house for me. I take comfort in knowing that my last exchange with my mom - a hug and a kiss in the hospital, and a gentle squeeze of my hand before her passing - wasn't "goodbye" but instead "goodbye for now".
My mom had a passage from the Bible she was particularly fond of, and I'll share it now:
For everything there is a season,
A time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for and a time for peace.
-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
At the same moment that I lay weaping, her Father in heaven was rejoicing. It was difficult for me to imagine, in my grief, that anyone anywhere could be celebrating. It was then that I realized that I am fully human, and God is fully God. I possess a human quality that is, in my opinion, one of the most hurtful and expensive qualities given to man after the fall: loss. It was the loss of innocence that made Adam and Eve realize their mortality, and it is loss that reminds us that one day we, too, will succomb to the reality of death. It hurts. As humans, it stings. But the Bible reminds us that it is temporary, and it is only on Earth that we experience this. In 1 Corinthians 15:55, it says, "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" The grave has no power over is because we believe in the victory of Jesus Christ. We lay our bodies in the ground, but our spirit - the core of who we are made to be and the "fingerprint" of our Creator - is returned to our Heavenly Father to be made complete and whole for eternity. Life as we know it is brief in comparison to the eternity we spend in the company of absolute perfection. Why should all of heaven NOT be celebrating when one of its own is returned??
Briefly, I cracked a smile at this thought. I was sad - sad for me, the one left behind. But for her, it was a homecoming like she had never imagined! Mom's life had been one of pain and trouble. I never knew all the details, but I did know that she had experienced a broken heart early in life and it plagued her into adulthood. At the thought of being completely freed from this pain, I couldn't help but rejoice a little bit in my own heart. "I will ransom them from the power of the grave; I will redeem them from death." (Hosea 13:14) She will no longer bound to the power of this earth or this life, but be free in hope and love with her Creator.
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:31)
While my heart still aches for the loss of my mother, I take comfort in knowing that her pain is gone. I take comfort in knowing that she is waiting for me to join the party. I take comfort in knowing that my Heavenly Father has prepared a room in His house for me. I take comfort in knowing that my last exchange with my mom - a hug and a kiss in the hospital, and a gentle squeeze of my hand before her passing - wasn't "goodbye" but instead "goodbye for now".
My mom had a passage from the Bible she was particularly fond of, and I'll share it now:
For everything there is a season,
A time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for and a time for peace.
-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
No comments:
Post a Comment